Monday, October 20, 2008

Boomer is "Disgusted" By 49ers

ESPN's Monday Night Footbal Crew Disapproves of Mike Nolan's Removal as San Fran SAN FRANCISCO Coach
Upon hearing Chris Mortensen reveal that Mike Nolan had been fired as 49ers head coach following yesterday's loss to the Giants, Chris "Grizzly" Be(a)rman pulled no punches in letting viewers know how he felt during the pre-game show before tonight's Monday Night Football broadcast.

"Well, I'm disgusted by it."

And, he was. Clearly. The bile was oozing off of him as thick and viscous as if someone had suggested that the sleeves on his sport coats were always too short. I'm going to guess that the late-breaking nature of the news (just a few hours earlier it had been leaked that Nolan had one more game to prove the case that he deserved his post helming the Niners) is the reason we were all treated with such an unhinged response. Always not wanting to bite the hands that feed it, the Worldwide Leader generally treads lightly when dealing with the officials of the various pro sports leagues and when dealing with the owners of those leagues. In other words, they usually lay off the rich guys while coaxing embarrassing sound bites out of the players and coaches who make their living under the employ of the other guys. But, not tonight. Berman was just getting warmed up:

"You know, I uh um, he's a real good defensive guy. They've never really had the right thing, the move with Martz was just 'let's put a couple of spare tires on the car and maybe like Detroit teams will start 6-2 and see where we go.' That didn't even work. They just don't, Alex Smith didn't work. There are just a lot of things that aren't right there."

The rest of the crew took the cue from el capitan and throttled the 49ers when the conch shell came their way:

Cris Carter: "It's easy to see why teams lose in this league. It's easy. When you run your organization, when you treat people like this this is what you get. How do expect to win a championship when you treat people like this."

Ditka then went on to tar the current Niners ownership junta led by John York as inherited money-having ingrates without the experience or the respect to run the club. And, everyone nodded knowingly.

To sum up, Berman signed off by saying:
"Well, good for Mike Singletary for getting the opportunity, there's no question about that but, uh, I'm disgusted."


Anonymous said...

Great report but please don't use the phrase "San Fran" - we San Franciscan's can't stand us it sounds like nails on a chalkboard. We're eternally puzzled why the rest of the country uses a offensive nickname that you'll never hear uttered in Northern California. Please just call it San Francisco. Thanks much!

p.s. no Frisco either :-)

WWOD? said...

Thanks for stopping by. One of my good buddies is a lifelong Niners fan so I've been watching way too much P.T. Barnum O'Sullivan for my own good. But I'm pulling for you guys. Except when the Jets make it your way in a few weeks. Anyway, the change is made. And I'll never use "San Fran" as a proper noun to describe your home again.