Sunday, September 19, 2010

NFL's Conservation of Advertising Animals

Similar to the way that all mass in a closed system will remain constant over time there is a careful equilibrium to the advertising messages during any broadcast of a National Football League game.

If there are five advertisements featuring Howie Long shilling alpha-male trucks that rattle off towing capacities as if the biological possession of testicles meant duties hauling of steel or lumber as regular as menses then there are also five spots, also featuring Long, for eco-friendly, pocket-sized cars trumpeting miles per gallon and emissions standards in a fashion that might not send Ed Begley Jr. into a tizzy.

This one part yin, one part yang and no parts that didn't already exist in another form. Mass media can neither be created nor destroyed. Just rearranged before and after punts and kickoffs.

So, it must be the case that the downfall polar bears is a boon for some other animal. And, yes, it is. Shrimp. Endless shrimp.

Fear the endless swarms and prepare to welcome your new crustacean overlords. Unless, of course, Red Lobster can fry, grill or saute enough of the decapod conquerers before it's too late.