Monday, January 12, 2009

The Devil Went Down In Nashville

In the waning moments Saturday's AFC divisional playoff between the Tennessee Titans and the Baltimore Ravens there was a tear in the veil separating this world from the next. And lo and behold, NFL fans witnessed the visage of damnation pouting on the Tennessee sideline. As the CBS camera panned the Titans sideline there was revealed a red-eyed Kyle Vanden Bosch. Centered in the whites of his eyes were blood-red pools of pure evil. A momentary glimpse quieted and sobered a room full of boisterous and mildly intoxicated football fans. The smell of sulphur burned in our nostrils as we looked into Vanden Bosch's red eyes.
We wound back the DVR to make sure that we had seen what we thought we had saw. And, we had. We had beheld the morningstar. Or, at least some foot soldier of the fallen host. Digging slightly deeper (by means of google and wikipedia) into this sinister character's background I uncovered further evidence that this defensive end may in fact be pure evil. While attending the University of Nebraska, Vanden Bosch was a member of the "Society of the Innocents," which was a secret-ish society on campus. The insignia for this organization is an illustration of Satan. Rumor has it that Vanden Bosch also frequently attended lectures given by Gozer the Gozerian whenever he visited Lincoln.
Of course, it's also possible that Vanden Bosch is just wearing amber-tinted contact lenses in place of eye-black or a visor to protect his sensitive God-fearing eyes from the sun. I guess that is possible. And boring.

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