Saturday, February 14, 2009

Nothing Says Lovin'... Like the Slam Dunk Contest

Couldn't get dinner reservations at that swank steakhouse in Tribeca? No more tickets available to watch the animals doing it at the zoo? Are you totally stumped about how to spend Valentine's Day with your main squeeze?

Well, David Stern, the National Basketball Association and the fine folks at TNT have just the lubricant to ease your evening of romance: The NBA Slam Dunk Contest. Because nothing shows that special lady that you've been thinking about her like sitting down near a crackling fire space-heater with the finest bottle of Yellow Tail Merlot available at the Los Muchachos bodega on the corner to watch Dwight Howard defend his slam dunk championship against Nate Robinson, J.R. Smith and Rudy Fernandez.

Trust me, she'll just love the dunk when contestants are asked to team up with another person to execute a slam. That's when you lean in real close, kiss the nape of her neck and say in the deepest tone you can effectively pull off, "Baby, I just want you to know that if I were ever selected to participate in a contest of slam dunks that you would be my first choice of person to leap over. I just want you to know that, baby. Now and forever."

After that, she'll be all yours. Because the communication of those players and the intimacy they show and the way they share personal space will be like the next level that she wants to take your relationship. And, if somehow, someway that doesn't work then just recite this poem.

Rockets are red
Knicks are blue
Let's move to the bed
I wanna dunk you

These words work 60% of the time every time.

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