An Introduction: What? Where? Why? Oakley?

What: Sport. Athletic Competition. Unbridled Enthusiasm. Masochistic pessimism. Unbridled pessimism. Masochistic optimism. Most notably, involving the New York Knickerbockers, who will be featured in this space over the course of the 2007-2008 NBA season. The ups. The downs. The downs. And, did I mention, the downs? From the opening tip-off of Friday night’s game in Cleveland and all the way through the team’s shocking appearance in the Eastern Conference Semi-Finals (full predictions to come). Of course, there will news and notes and such on other teams in the NBA. And on other sports that most people like far more than basketball: Baseball, College Football, Professional Football, Soccer (which is actually a third kind of football), and even more.

Where: Madison Square Garden, Jersey City, East Rutherford, Flushing, New York City, North London, Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, and, most importantly, our television screens.

Why: You know how Kevin Bacon’s character in the film "Footloose" just really wanted to dance? And how Superman’s character in "Superman" just really wanted to help people and fight crime? Well, that’s like me and writing about sports. I can’t really help it.

Oakley: Charles Oakley was drafted out of Virginia Union University in 1985 by the Chicago Bulls. He was traded to the New York Knicks in 1988 and gained a fearsome reputation while polishing the floors of Madison Square Garden with his elbows and his opponent's faces. He was selected as an All-Star in 1994 and ranked in the top ten in rebounds per game five times between 1987 and 1994. He currently ranks 14th in Games Played in NBA History, 17th in Rebounds and 3rd in Personal Fouls.

So, now that we’re all acquainted, what are 10 things you should be expecting from What Would Oakley Do?

1. More Knicks coverage than you thought you wanted, well, until this site made you realize how much Knicks coverage you actually wanted. I’ll be posting something each day of the season and covering the team just like any other reporter. I’ll be spending money that I don’t have to go to a lot of games but will be doing most of my viewing from the couch, where I’ll be writing about this team and this season and just about anything else from the perspective that each fan shares.

2. Oakley. Remember that time when he kept starting fights with Tyrone Hill (former 76er) in 2001 because Hill allegedly owed Oak over fifty grand from a dice game? No. Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be hearing all about it.

3. Links to other great writing and commentary out in the world. There are lots of people out there doing this whole sports-writing thing better than me and I will point you in the right direction.

4. Oakley. He has made it clear during the summer that he feels ready to contribute to an NBA team this season. If the Knicks can let Allan Houston suit up for a few days then they've got to let Oakley come back. Right? If you put him in a small enclosed room with Curry, Randolph and Jerome James it would be like one of those "Scared Straight" tv shows.

5. Weekly Columns: You’ve already seen the “IF…THEN” statements: BCS Edition that I posted. Each week there will be a new “IF…THEN” statement about whatever is in the news. I’m coming up with a few more ideas for recurring columns. They’re still very top-secret but one involves tracking down former NBA players (I mean who hasn’t wondered what happened to Richard Dumas), another involves old basketball cards and another involves my Yahoo Fantasy Basketball simulation of the NBA’s Atlantic Division.

6. Oakley. The man owns a car wash in Yonkers. My car is dirty.

7. Conversation, debate: Here’s where you, the prospective reader, come in. It seems like most of my free time is spent talking/debating/heatedly arguing about all of the minutiae of sports. Should the Mets attempt to sign A-Rod? Should Matt Ryan win the Heisman Trophy? Why is no one talking about how Marbury slept with an intern in the back of a truck? I hope that this site and these posts can become a jumping off point for those sorts of arguments and opens up the floor to people who don’t frequent my living room.

8. Oakley. It is very well publicized that he is BFF with Michael Jordan. What does this mean to a Knicks fan? Discuss.

9. Short(ish) articles on the many things going on that you sort of heard about but then something came up and you had to go meet that guy about that thing with the girl and the car. I know that most people out there don’t have the time to do background reading on the news of the day. And that even fewer of the people who have the time to pay attention then have the time and antisocial habit of really just thinking about this stuff all-the-livelong day. Well, I’m going to make the time and I’m just the right sort of crazy for this type of thing. You’re welcome.

10. Charles Oakley and lots of him.

"We Must Do What We Must and Call It By the Best Names"-Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was the first night of February in 2005 when the New York Knickerbockers found themselves playing in Denver against the Nuggets. It was a Tuesday and the Knicks were coming off a January in which losses had collected as thick as pine needles beneath a Christmas tree. Not surprisingly they fell behind the Nuggets early in the second-quarter; they were demonstrating a listlessness that was becoming their trademark. MSG announcers John Andariese and Mike Breen were showing more spirit than the Knicks and were growing increasingly incensed with the lacadasical play and the timid way in which Kenyon Martin was being escorted to the basket by the very men charged with defending him. Every time K-Mart would throw down another dunk and pound his chest as he skipped up the court, Andariese would become further infuriated. He kept explaining to the home viewer that he wasn't upset with Martin, rather with the Knicks big men for letting themselves be embarrassed. Possibly with the exception of Tommy Heinshon up in Boston, I don't think I've ever heard an announcer who wanted to see someone get knocked to the floor so badly. In spite of his growing dementia, you just knew that Andariese was right on the money when he asked, "How do you think Charles Oakley would have reacted to that?"

And, then, for the first time in my life, I wondered aloud "What would Oakley do?"

Oakley would have sent K-Mart six rows deep as soon as he started skipping back down the court. He woud have given Martin six stitches and gotten himself a six-game suspension. All would be right with the world. The Knicks might still have lost the game but the Nuggets would most assuredly tread lightly in the paint during the next few meetings between the teams.

From that moment on, "What Would Oakley Do?" became my watchwords whenever dealing with Knicks.