Friday, August 7, 2009

The Verknickular

Additions to the native language of our locality inspired by New York sports

Function: Transitive Verb; sit - ē- fěld

The 2009 New York Metropolitans baseball club of the National League played their home games in a ballpark named Citi Field. Unfortunately, the players on the Mets experienced an unprecedented injury epidemic while playing in the organization's new home. All-Stars, journeymen and young up-and-comers alike were undone during the 2009 campaign by injury. The problem reached its zenith (hopefully) during the first week of August. Second baseman Luis Castillo stumbled coming down the steps into the Mets dugout. He sprained his ankle and was forced to miss time. Two days later, rookie pitcher Jonathan Niese tore his hamstring right off the bone while throwing a warm-up pitch after awkwardly falling into a split while trying to cover first base. Both players - along with Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado, Carlos Beltran, Gary Sheffield, John Maine, J.J. Putz, Billy Wagner and many more - had been citifelled.

1: a tragicomic means of injuring oneself
2: to die by means unexpected, and usually ironic
3: to commit a pratfall
4: to fail suddenly and in full view in spite of preparation and a clear path to success
5. to be undermined by those persons or dugout steps or athletic trainers standing next to you on the mound intended to aid your quest; to be betrayed by a friend or one's own weakness

In use:
1. In the midst of a shockingly fine bounce-back season, Mets second baseman Luis Castillo was citifelled by the dugout steps during a game against the Cardinals.
2. The Darwin Awards annually honor those individuals who have citifallen in strange and embarrassing circumstances during the previous year.
3. In the final act of Return of the Jedi, when the Rebel Alliance appeared on the verge of ruin and the young Skywalker was about to be turned or vanquished, Darth Vader citifelled the Emperor.

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